Review: "Eclipse"

The Story
In “Eclipse,” we continue the surprisingly normal romance between vampire Edward and living, breathing and apparently delicious Bella.

Their normal high school lives are ruined when Victoria – also vampire and sometimes bitch – decides to raise an army of the undead to kill them. The Cullens must enlist the help of their werewolf enemies to stand a chance. In the end, this is all rendered pointless, as Jasper Cullen is a one-vampire wrecking crew who unleashes sparkly hurt on his enemies.

Along the way, there is a tense love triangle between Edward, Bella and Jacob. As Bella becomes more and more wishy-washy, the men in her life come closer to conflict. It’s only a matter of time before Edward’s eyebrows do battle with Jacob’s continuously-exposed abs.

Can they put aside their fairly superficial differences and save the tiny town of Forks?

Why It’s Good
One word: Jasper.

Wow. Out of the three movies so far, this was the one most clearly trying to appeal to men. Sure, it was still a romance, but it was also really, really violent. This is easily the most violent romance since “The Notebook Versus Predator.”

Granted, your Y-Chromosome might be lonely in the theaters. I understand the fear that seeing this movie will be a blow to your masculinity. I defend that any movie with this much vampire-limb-ripping is hard to classify as a “chick flick.”

If it is, I seriously need to check out “Pride and Prejudice” – I bet Mr. Darcy messes up some people.

Why It’s Not
One word: Bella.

I’d hate to be stuck behind this girl in line at a fast food restaurant, because she can’t make a decision. Everyone had to deal with her indecisiveness through two movies. Enough is enough. Edward has the time to wait – he’s immortal, after all. As for the rest of us, we’re really going to need her decide on one of the guys during this lifetime.

Other minor problems revolved around some of the acting and a few pacing issues. Overall, I left the theater feeling more annoyed by the clapping girls in the back than the movie itself. But as much as I’d like to, I can’t blame the movie for its rabid fans.

Though, I am a bit curious why a series that’s grossed a few trillion dollars by now can’t afford to buy Taylor Lautner a shirt.

The Bottom Line
I think it was a worthwhile watch. But I admit most people have probably already decided on these movies. The ones who like it would probably stick it out, regardless. The people who hate it probably wouldn’t see it if they offered free sex at the door.

As for the overly-obsessive, creepy fans, well, I’m sure I’ll hear you clapping and cheering in the back during “Breaking Dawn.”

The Rating
I give it a sparkly 8/10.