Monster Hunter: Downsides III

Of course, the main reason so few people become the things they want to be as children is that they have unrealistic goals.

But I think that was kind of the point. As an aspiring writer, I probably had the most grounded dream I’ve ever heard of, in that it’s a real job you could actually have. I’ve heard children talk about what they want to be when they grow up – wizards, superheroes, Hannah Montana, etc. – and they’re in for some big disappointments through the years. (That last group, especially.)

Childhood probably would have been a lot duller if it was just a bunch of us wanting to be contractors, cashiers and human resource directors.

For one, the playground wouldn’t have been all that fun. Imagine long games of haggling over estimates to upgrade pretend kitchens or scanning make-believe grocery items while making small talk. I’m not sure what games the aspiring human resources directors would have played. From what I’ve seen, their games would have mostly involved not calling me back about job offers.

Zing.

I’m sure that most of us won’t be what we wanted to be. But that’s okay. Because when you get right down to it, most of us were pretty stupid when we were children. I know my six-year-old self. He took dangerous dares involving gasoline and fire from his older brothers. He's probably the last person I’d be taking career advice from.

As we grow up, I think we learn a lot about the real world. And our job hopes are tempered with a healthy dose of reality. We suddenly learn that jobs aren’t about “fun” or “magic” or whatever else we originally thought. We realize any job is fine if they pay you a lot.

I admit it’s a lousy moral to the story, but yeah, I’d probably take a punch in the stomach every day at work for thirty dollars an hour.

And that nicely wraps up my week-long article spree about jobs.

(A Note about the Comic: Yes, that suit of armor is drawn to scale. I opted for the male version, which is slightly bigger and good for this joke. Though, it probably would have been just as funny to use the female armor – more or less a pink metal carnival prize bear. It’s ever more proof that the armor crafter in town secretly hates your character in Monster Hunter Tri.)

Monster Hunter: Armor Types

I'm willing to accept a certain amount of artistic flair when it comes to female armor, but even I have my limits.

This creates the obvious conflict of interests for me. As a guy, there's a certain appeal to scantily-clad women swinging large swords. As a realist, I also understand the very poor protection these armors would provide to the midriff area.

And back. And neck. And legs. And...well, so forth.

Still, the gender stereotypes are probably here to stay. Which sucks. Because in addition to girls being dressed like strippers in most suits of armor, I'm also not fond of playing as males - their armors tend to look more like small SUVs than outerwear. You'd think occasionally a light vest would be an option.

Some will be quick to tell me that I could just not play as girls in video games. But it goes back to the old adage: "If I'm going to stare at a character's back for five hours at a time, it might as well be a girl."

Jess probably doesn't mind, as she's dating a guy who notices weak points in female armor first.

Comic 9: That familiar feeling...

I wanted to post this to showcase some of the latest improvements in my art style.

This is just a little love for the various Monster Hunter communities I happen to take part in at the moment. You don't have to like the game to like the comic, but it couldn't hurt. If you don't get the joke, it's kind of a buy-in along the lines of "you must be at least this big of a nerd to laugh at this."

Should the joke still be incomprehensible, please play old Super Nintendo games until your nerdery improves.

Comic 7: The Dangers of Realism

It's only a matter of time before the monsters figure it out. Of course, there would be no weapons based off humans. We're all too squishy.