Dead Air

Television used to be much better.

This isn’t a commentary on the quality of actual shows these days. That’s not a battle I want to get involved in. As far as I’m concerned, shows are just as good as they were ten years ago. The only problem is that now, they’re much, much shorter.

Consider this. In any given half hour, I’m only watching twenty minutes of actual television. The rest is commercial time used by companies to make money. Perhaps they should check their mailbox, as I already send them a monthly check to pay for cable.

But that’s not the worst part. Even commercials can be amusing. I’ve noticed a nasty trend lately, though. The number of unwatchable commercials has increased dramatically from ten years ago. And when I say “unwatchable,” I of course mean “feminine hygiene” and “erectile dysfunction.”

Don’t get me wrong. These things are a necessary evil. I just don’t want to hear about them during "House." I don’t want to hear about “spotting” (which becomes worse once you learn what it is). Nor do I need to hear that Jimmy Johnson is still having sex despite the fact that he’s essentially a corpse (which becomes worse if you mentally picture it).

As you can see, I’m gender-neutral on the issue – both types of commercials disgust me.

Admittedly, the feminine commercials annoy me more. What group of girls really goes to a club to talk about their periods? I asked my girlfriend. This isn’t what girls are talking about in bars. In fact, many women couldn’t talk about their “flow” to a medical professional in a life or death situation.

I used to find it odd that no guys were ever in those commercials. After all, men are half of the birth control equation. But (as shown by the comic), this wouldn’t work out. The only thing worse than a guy saying periods were gross would be a guy calmly nodding along and laughing, like the conversation wasn’t his own personal version of Hell.

In my opinion, both types of commercials need to be taken off television. Though, I’d settle for one or the other. The way I see it, the commercials set an awkward double standard.

There may be no medical need for a monthly period, but there’s certainly no medical need for old men to be having sex, either.