Tech Fails - The "Snuggie"

In an effort to reach a new segment of nerds, I’m going to occasionally do columns about technology. Of course, discussions of cameras, computer specifications and such would put the rest of you to sleep. So I’ve decided to only talk about idiotic technology.

Today’s topic – the “Snuggie.”

I realize I’m talking about this a little late. After all, these things have been around for two years or so and have already been mocked to death. All of that was fine for me. Then, the “Snuggie” went from “ironic purchase” to “popular” and I couldn’t stay silent any longer.

The basic concept of this invention – for the one guy who hasn’t heard of it – is that it’s a blanket you can wear. It allows you to stay warm while talking on the phone or doing the crossword puzzle. Why, according to the commercials, the savvy cultist could even wear their ceremonial robes in public at baseball games and other local sporting events.

With the “Snuggie,” you could finally warn the sinful masses that the end of the world was coming, all while staying warm and cozy.

And then, there was the “Pet Snuggie.” I’m not sure why animals with natural fur actually needed this. Which leads me to believe it was meant as a way to punish your pets. I mean, I think that’s what it was for – that’s why we got one for our dog.

Eventually, they started printing them in designer colors and with the logos of sports teams. People started buying them for friends non-ironically. This is about where hell froze over. Which may be a problem, unless they sell “Snuggies” there.

So let’s do the round-up…

Positives:
-It comes with a swing-out reading light, which is actually kind of cool if you’re easily amused, and I am.
-All the warmth of a 1/82nd inch thick blanket with no loss of arm motion.
-One step up from a surgical gown, I guess.

Negatives:
-Unless you want to take it off, get used to not going to the bathroom.
-There’s no way to secure the open back – standing, moving, leaning forward, breathing, etc. make it fall off.
-My girlfriend won’t share hers with me.