Missing Some Magic

I didn't think I've ever found caffeine as revolting as when it doesn't dance.

For the past month or so, I've been captivated by that dancing "Tassimo" robot. It dances and capers for you while preparing your coffee, and even asks what it can do for you. Every time I see our lazy motionless coffee maker sitting there, it makes me sick.

Despite my largely sedentary lifestyle, I'm surprisingly flamboyant, fun and prone to spurts of dancing. (Ask my girlfriend - or her therapist - to verify this.) But for whatever reason, when it came to furnishing my home, I decided to surround myself with cheap, non-dancing appliances. Go figure.

Granted, it's a gimmick. I know a dancing, talking coffee maker won't make my beverage taste better. I think my mornings are just missing a little magic that a polite capering robot could easily provide.

Worse still is that now I'm suddenly very aware of how motionless all my stuff is, and I hate it.

So, I'm left with two options. (This discounts the third option of "getting over it.") The first is to actually buy one, which would cost me several hundred dollars. The second - and this is the direction I'm leaning in thus far - is to find a way to make our current coffee maker dance. And, if there's time, I wouldn't hate it if he just did some general butler duties around the kitchen.

I'm not sure how exactly to go about the second option. Even if I could figure out some "Frosty the Snowman" magic hat situation to bring it to life, there are obvious faults with the plan. For one, giving my coffee maker life and free will sounds like the start of a robot killing spree movie.

For another, I'm not sure how much Christmas magic is around to spare, but I'm betting sad orphans probably get first dibs or something.