Tech Fails - "MyLife.com"

Now, I'm not normally one to talk about sad but trendy technology fads. Wait. Actually, come to think of it, that's all I do.

The latest piece of failure technology is "MyLife.com" and similar sites. Allegedly, the idea is that you go there and find out all the people from your past who've been looking for you. Who knows? Maybe that one guy you liked that one time but didn't like you has started to like you. And maybe he doesn't have Facebook to just find you the easy, normal way.

And romance ensues, or so people who dress up their cats are led to believe.

In reality, I'm not sold. Even if this product works exactly as advertised - and that's a big "if" - the entire idea is a little sad. There's a reason you left your old boyfriends and girlfriends. In all likelihood, this reason has no statute of limitations.

If they left you, you're probably better off. If you left them, of course they were pining after you. You don't need an online service to tell you these things. And you certainly don't need an online service to tell stalkers your associated addresses, which I've heard the site does.

Your nights will probably be a lot more pleasant without the thought that a guy you stood up ten years ago knows where you live.

Aside from all these negatives, think of the how this works. An old flame goes looking for you. You then join a site that tells you they were looking for you. How do you broach that conversation to them? "I see you were obsessing over me. Well, I was obsessing over you. Do you like coffee? Do you like awkwardness? Great. How's this Thursday?"

I think online dating can work. I do. But something about playing "stalker tag" doesn't exactly sound like a romance novel in the works. To sum up, if you'd hide the story of how you met someone from your grandchildren, it's probably not worth doing.

I realize it's a little one-sided to review the system without trying it. But I don't have to. Realizing people from my past were searching for me wouldn't make me happy. It would creep me out. And it would make me wonder why my stalkers weren't tech-saavy enough to use Facebook. And what they were dressing their cats like.

Of course, if the site has ever personally resulted in a long marriage and at least two and a half children for any of you, I'd be delighted to be proved wrong.