Waste of Time Awards - Film and Television

To continue our trend of shocking awards, the second day of the Wasties proves that a movie grossing several trillion dollars is no guarantee it will even end up on my top five.

Thanks to a money-grubbing "Special Edition," "Avatar" was in the running as a 2010 contender for Biggest Waste of Time in Film and Television. Thanks to a director more concerned with visual effects than substance, it also allowed it to be utterly terrible. In fact, given its long run-time and embarrassing writing, this year, it receives "honorable" mention as "Worst in Film and Television."

But no need to dwell on the negatives.

As for the actual winner, the best series of 2010 goes to "Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood." This anime - based on the original manga rather than cobbled together like the first series - was utterly amazing. With excellent characters, action and a plot-line that kept you guessing until the very end, it was everything an anime should be. And for non-anime folk, it's at least watchable.

Perhaps most impressive is the fact that it's only sixty-four episodes. This clocks in at about five hundred less than longer-running series like "Bleach," "Naruto" or "Inuyasha." Being able to stay awake through the entire run is a nice bonus.

It did, however, face some stiff competition:

2) "Family Guy: Something Something Something Dark Side" - As a "Star Wars" spoof, this technically qualifies as a nerd program. This was just a step from taking the first place spot. Pretty much one more good Meg joke would have done it.

And yes, "Family Guy: It's a Trap" was pretty good, but like "Return of the Jedi," it just didn't stack up to the second movie.

3) "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse" - Yes, I see some eye rolls at this one. Unfortunately, my hands were tied. As the only movie of the year that featured violent vampire wars, it was pretty much guaranteed an award. If you can point out another movie where an undead Civil War officer decapitates evil vampires alongside a pack of werewolves, please point it out.

4) "How to Train Your Dragon" - This one edged in at the last moment, since I went most of the year without seeing it. I was impressed with the continuing ability of animated films to not be overly-cutesy when they need to. Let's hope that in two or three years, there will be nothing in these movies for kids at all.

5) "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" - Overall, this was a pretty good movie - one I definitely recommend seeing. Bafflingly, Nicolas Cage didn't do the usual "Nicolas Cage' thing and muck up the movie. I would absolutely love seeing a sequel someday soon.

You may notice that the two big guns - "Avatar" and "Inception" - are absent from the list. What can I say? "Inception" was over-hyped to the point that it was essentially unwatchable. "Avatar" was under-written to the point where it was unwatchable. (Believe me - I tried.)

What do you think? I wouldn't be surprised if people second-guessed my choices. Then again, given how quickly people stopped talking about "Avatar," I wouldn't be surprised if people didn't.

Up next on Friday is the "Alternative Media Category."

Review: "Eclipse"

The Story
In “Eclipse,” we continue the surprisingly normal romance between vampire Edward and living, breathing and apparently delicious Bella.

Their normal high school lives are ruined when Victoria – also vampire and sometimes bitch – decides to raise an army of the undead to kill them. The Cullens must enlist the help of their werewolf enemies to stand a chance. In the end, this is all rendered pointless, as Jasper Cullen is a one-vampire wrecking crew who unleashes sparkly hurt on his enemies.

Along the way, there is a tense love triangle between Edward, Bella and Jacob. As Bella becomes more and more wishy-washy, the men in her life come closer to conflict. It’s only a matter of time before Edward’s eyebrows do battle with Jacob’s continuously-exposed abs.

Can they put aside their fairly superficial differences and save the tiny town of Forks?

Why It’s Good
One word: Jasper.

Wow. Out of the three movies so far, this was the one most clearly trying to appeal to men. Sure, it was still a romance, but it was also really, really violent. This is easily the most violent romance since “The Notebook Versus Predator.”

Granted, your Y-Chromosome might be lonely in the theaters. I understand the fear that seeing this movie will be a blow to your masculinity. I defend that any movie with this much vampire-limb-ripping is hard to classify as a “chick flick.”

If it is, I seriously need to check out “Pride and Prejudice” – I bet Mr. Darcy messes up some people.

Why It’s Not
One word: Bella.

I’d hate to be stuck behind this girl in line at a fast food restaurant, because she can’t make a decision. Everyone had to deal with her indecisiveness through two movies. Enough is enough. Edward has the time to wait – he’s immortal, after all. As for the rest of us, we’re really going to need her decide on one of the guys during this lifetime.

Other minor problems revolved around some of the acting and a few pacing issues. Overall, I left the theater feeling more annoyed by the clapping girls in the back than the movie itself. But as much as I’d like to, I can’t blame the movie for its rabid fans.

Though, I am a bit curious why a series that’s grossed a few trillion dollars by now can’t afford to buy Taylor Lautner a shirt.

The Bottom Line
I think it was a worthwhile watch. But I admit most people have probably already decided on these movies. The ones who like it would probably stick it out, regardless. The people who hate it probably wouldn’t see it if they offered free sex at the door.

As for the overly-obsessive, creepy fans, well, I’m sure I’ll hear you clapping and cheering in the back during “Breaking Dawn.”

The Rating
I give it a sparkly 8/10.