Nerd's Guide to 2am

There are people out there who only see 2am as they turn over in bed during a good night's sleep - as a nerd, that kind of weirds me out.

I'm not sure if there was ever a point in my life when I went to bed early. My parents were never strict about bedtimes. This may have been because they trusted to me to make good decisions about sleep on my own. It may have also - and more likely - been because I went to sleep at 3am and still got good grades, so I was effectively untouchable. You'd have to ask them.

Either way, I quickly found that late night living suited my nerdy lifestyle very well. And judging by the odd spike this site usually gets in traffic between 11pm and 2am, I'm not alone. Or...there's a time zone thing.

As that second theory invalidates my entire point, I'll assume it's the first idea.

I'm assuming many of you already know the wonders of insomnia. (It helps to have a job that starts around noon, or it's far less fun.) For those who don't, though, there are a number of interesting things that happen early in the morning.

-They loop the programming on "Adult Swim." Most people know this. What they don't realize, though, is that due to sleep deprivation, everything gets a lot funnier. The anime that runs a second time is still interesting, and in many cases, it's suddenly a comedy.

Note: "King of the Hill," however, remains the exactly as unbearable the second time - go figure.

-Assuming sleeping people are nearby, anything on your television louder than a mouse clearing its throat sounds like a bomb going off.

-The good part of your video game comes right when you're just about to drop from exhaustion.

-If it's 5am and you're still up, consider hiding your phone. Because that inflatable knife set you thought looked ridiculous at 3am looks kind of tempting at 4am. And an hour later, you're wondering if you'll be okay with only one set.

-A wave of food commercials will hit the moment the last restaurant in your area closes.

Note: Beware this if you tend to be a late night eater. Similar to infomercials, that "disgusting" food looks pretty good at 3am. That "expired" food looks fairly edible at 4am. And that stuff you're "allergic to" is tender and juicy come 5am.

Turkey-lagged.

I'm currently about neck-deep in turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy and any number of other delicious proteins and carbs that make you very sleepy - suffice it say, this will be quick.

I've recently been given a job. You probably won't hear much about it, as it isn't all that hilarious. But I thought it was worth sharing, as it means a few changes around here. At least for a few days, while I get things straightened up, my writing and drawing will be more erratic than usual.

Oh, and when I say erratic, I mean the schedule will be a bit random. I hadn't planned on just typing random words and letters. That would be too erratic.

In the meanwhile, I ask that you bear with the transition. I doubt it will be pleasant, but if we all pitch in around here, it should be painless. What I'm saying is, until I get used to work, I'll be expecting my readers to post articles and comics here for me.

Just kidding - I'll get on that shortly.

For those of you who simply can't wait, I suggest gorging on leftovers. It's all the fun of eating with the guarantee of sleep tacked onto the end. Because for Thanksgiving, if you're not exhausted after every meal, then you're probably not doing it right.

Sorry to the countries that don't really celebrate Thanksgiving. First off, I'm sorry to talk about such an inside cultural thing you might not get. And second, of course, well, I just think you're missing out. For that, I'm deeply, deeply sorry.

It's pretty much just eating - what country wouldn't love that?

Halloween

Hopefully everyone had a happy Halloween - for everyone else, you're pretty much the reason I wrote this article today.

Throughout my later years in high school and college, I noticed a disturbing trend. There was an increasing number of people who declared themselves "too old" for the holiday. I'm not sure what confuses me more - the idea that somehow you could be too old to have fun and eat candy, or the idea that people would voluntarily refuse these activities.

I realize that my mid-twenties may be a bit old to dress up and go door-to-door. (It's a gray area.) But the rest of Halloween is still pretty hard not to enjoy. It's literally the most fun you can have on a pagan holiday converted into a Catholic holiday by church officials hoping to draw in heathens.

Seriously - if you can think of a better example, please let me know.

The idea that some people try to outgrow it is just sad, really. And there's a lesson there. There's no need to rush adulthood. Between having kids and working, your childhood innocence will be gone soon enough. Hang onto whatever shreds of it you can.

Also, um, candy is delicious, so is there some reason you're trying to get away from it? I mean, Milk Duds are pretty disgusting. But anyone who can't enjoy Mr. Goodbar can't enjoy life.

And for anyone who still doesn't agree, at least try not to be such a downer and ruin my All Saint's Day, too.

Conversation Collecting...

I just got back from the big Labor Day celebration. It was very fun. And very filling. At the best points, it was both.

Family get-togethers are always interesting for me. Because even though the years change, a lot of the questions stay the same from year to year. It's not anyone's fault - we just don't see each other enough to keep up-to-date on these sorts of things. So I tend to field these same five questions every year:

1. What are you doing for work lately?
This one, I probably dread the most. As I currently have nothing I would consider work in the technical sense (i.e. no one gives me money), it's never fun to answer. I think I rambled something about writing and then excused myself politely.

2. So...when are you and Jess going to get married?
Okay. I take it back. I dread this one the most. Luckily, no one asked about it this year. Which is good, because even when I know, I have to let Jess know first...

3. What do you think of this baseball season?
I'm not totally hopeless when it comes to sports. I could actually ramble on about football for some time. But for whatever reason, people are always asking me about the one sport I have no interest in. This year, I managed to slide away from that conversation before they really got into it. Thus, no one had to know how little I know about baseball. Are there still four bases? Cool.

4. How's college?
It's still there. I think. Beyond that, I have no idea - I graduated more than three years ago.

5. Give various reasons why "Cowboy Bebop" was an excellent anime.
So this really isn't a question. Also, it's never come up. But I wish it would. I have lots to say on the issue, if only someone would give me the chance. Then, of course, they'd regret it deeply...

Well, those were my Labor Day experiences. Hopefully everyone had fun in all the countries that celebrate that sort of thing. By my count, I think there's just the one, but who knows?

How were your big weekends?

Monster Hunter: Wyvern Eggs

Personally, I can't imagine a worse situation than living next to a store in a video game. Have they ever stocked anything useful? I mean, sure, they tend to have firearms, swords, medicine and other things like that. But what if I'm jonesing for some Doritos at 3am?

Or, as is often the case, what if I'm jonesing for them at all hours of the day?

Granted, they tend to focus on the necessities, but the Moga Village Farm is pretty ridiculous. I can grow honey and mushrooms there. I can even grow assorted bugs. But if you want milk or eggs, you're out of luck. It's not one of those fancy farms with cows, chickens or livestock of any kind. (I'm not counting the pet pig - he's too adorable to eat.) If not for the fishermen in the village, I'm sure everyone in Moga would starve to death.

Then again, maybe I expect too much realism from a digital farm worked by talking, bipedal cats?

And yes, I know there's not really a "Panera" in Loc Lac. But there should be. By virtue that there should be a "Panera" everywhere - that Broccoli Cheese Soup is hauntingly good.

Comic 5: Obesity is the Mother of Invention

Keep in mind these figures aren't based on actual physical research - I just imagine this is what scientists would probably be complaining about.