A reminder.

In case you're wondering why the updates aren't so common here these days, it's because we've moved on to our new digs at The Nerd Empire.

You should really check it out. It's basically everything you like about Better Left Unwritten, but much, much more. We've got more writers, daily updates and a really cool title banner. I'm just saying, that little nerd by the flags is adorable.

Go here to see it in all its nerdy glory: The Nerd Empire!

Waste of Time Awards - Film and Television

To continue our trend of shocking awards, the second day of the Wasties proves that a movie grossing several trillion dollars is no guarantee it will even end up on my top five.

Thanks to a money-grubbing "Special Edition," "Avatar" was in the running as a 2010 contender for Biggest Waste of Time in Film and Television. Thanks to a director more concerned with visual effects than substance, it also allowed it to be utterly terrible. In fact, given its long run-time and embarrassing writing, this year, it receives "honorable" mention as "Worst in Film and Television."

But no need to dwell on the negatives.

As for the actual winner, the best series of 2010 goes to "Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood." This anime - based on the original manga rather than cobbled together like the first series - was utterly amazing. With excellent characters, action and a plot-line that kept you guessing until the very end, it was everything an anime should be. And for non-anime folk, it's at least watchable.

Perhaps most impressive is the fact that it's only sixty-four episodes. This clocks in at about five hundred less than longer-running series like "Bleach," "Naruto" or "Inuyasha." Being able to stay awake through the entire run is a nice bonus.

It did, however, face some stiff competition:

2) "Family Guy: Something Something Something Dark Side" - As a "Star Wars" spoof, this technically qualifies as a nerd program. This was just a step from taking the first place spot. Pretty much one more good Meg joke would have done it.

And yes, "Family Guy: It's a Trap" was pretty good, but like "Return of the Jedi," it just didn't stack up to the second movie.

3) "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse" - Yes, I see some eye rolls at this one. Unfortunately, my hands were tied. As the only movie of the year that featured violent vampire wars, it was pretty much guaranteed an award. If you can point out another movie where an undead Civil War officer decapitates evil vampires alongside a pack of werewolves, please point it out.

4) "How to Train Your Dragon" - This one edged in at the last moment, since I went most of the year without seeing it. I was impressed with the continuing ability of animated films to not be overly-cutesy when they need to. Let's hope that in two or three years, there will be nothing in these movies for kids at all.

5) "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" - Overall, this was a pretty good movie - one I definitely recommend seeing. Bafflingly, Nicolas Cage didn't do the usual "Nicolas Cage' thing and muck up the movie. I would absolutely love seeing a sequel someday soon.

You may notice that the two big guns - "Avatar" and "Inception" - are absent from the list. What can I say? "Inception" was over-hyped to the point that it was essentially unwatchable. "Avatar" was under-written to the point where it was unwatchable. (Believe me - I tried.)

What do you think? I wouldn't be surprised if people second-guessed my choices. Then again, given how quickly people stopped talking about "Avatar," I wouldn't be surprised if people didn't.

Up next on Friday is the "Alternative Media Category."

1st Annual "Waste of Time" Awards!

As a fun treat for 2011, we've decided to recognize and honor those most nerdy of activities known for eating up every ounce of our free time. Just remember, though. When it comes to being a nerd, there's no such thing as a waste of time - only being dedicated.

There will be three major categories:

1) Video Games - Fairly self-explanatory. These are weighted by total time played. Whichever game was played the most this past year will be the winner.

2) Film and Television - Also fairly self-explanatory. The best and nerdiest movie or television show wins. Of course, those that were watched over and over will get some extra weighting. Basically, if I wore out the DVD, there's a good chance it will win.

3) Other Media - This is essentially anything nerdy that doesn't fall under the other categories. It could include visual media, other types of gaming and whatever else comes up. Sense random things will be competing, I have no objective way of scoring, but the best thing will win. Does that help?

This will be a week-long event, so check back frequently. A category will be decided on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. And Saturday, each of the three winners will compete for Best of Show as "The Biggest Time Waster of 2010."

Honor and glory will, no doubt, ensue for the victor, while shame and humiliation await for "Jame's Cameron's Avatar." Er...the losers...whoever they may be.

So without further ado, welcome to the 2010 "Wasties." (Not quite as catchy as "Oscars," but it'll do.) Grab some popcorn. Get ready to second-guess the outcomes. And most of all, just have fun.

By the way, the Dorktionary is now up and running - so check that out, too.

The Site-a-clysm is upon us...

For the new year, I decided to update a lot of stuff around here. Then some more stuff. Then...everything else.

As for why it's called the "Site-a-clysm," well, that's because I enjoy making puns based on popular online role-playing expansions. I think it's a nice title, given that pretty much everything here is changing. It's shouldn't be confused with the "Matt-a-clysm," the marathon episode of food poisoning and vomiting two days ago that delayed this update slightly.

There's lots of things you might want to check out. Among them are the new "Video Game Trailers" and "You Should be Watching" for this month. Joining them will be the new page, "You Should be Playing," which details a number of free online games worth a good play or two. You should find them quite enjoyable, except for their ability to ravage your free time.

Also keep an eye out for "Ascension: Origins," the upcoming comic series for this site. It's a fantasy and a bit of a departure from the usual comedic fare here, but it's still quite nerdy. Hopefully you enjoy it as much as our creative team here has enjoyed writing and drawing it.

Otherwise, yeah, look how wide this center column is. You see that? Pretty cool, eh?

So from all of us here (both of us - Shelby is visiting relatives), we hope you enjoy all that's in store for the new year. Happy New Year! And happy nerding in 2011!

A Quick Announcement

Just to let everyone know, I've updated the video game trailers to include a few new games that should be rocking your faces off in the very near future.

I've also added a new monthly section of my recommendations of things to watch. There's some good watching to be had in December, so I suggest you check it out. Those wanting some good recommendations each month should come back periodically. The title will change from "December" to "January" when there's new information, so that will take out the guess work.

Anyway, it's all part of ramping up efforts on the site for the new year, so get ready. The awesomeness is coming. There will be no escape.

The Shyamalan Cycle

Long ago, I stopped being disappointed by M. Night Shyamalan movies - the trick was to stop seeing them.

A lot of my friends get excited every time one comes out. I don't blame them. A few years back, I was just like them. That was before I reached enlightenment in the Shyamalan Cycle - I was freed from the endless cycle of terrible movies and high expectations.

It's kind of like reincarnation, on a very superficial level that begs for little to no scrutiny.

Every time a movie comes out, I used to get all excited. I'd wonder what the twist ending might be. And shortly afterward, I'd leave the theater very disappointed. All the twist endings are pretty obvious midway through the opening credits. Either that, or they're so convoluted that no one had any chance of guessing in advance - even looking back, they're still incomprehensible.

Eventually, I realized that he only ever made one good movie - "The Sixth Sense." We were all very surprised by the ending. Since then, it's been failure after failure. But so many of us keep going back. It's like an abusive husband. Trust me - no matter how much he says he loves you, he's going to keep hitting you.

And I, Mr. Shyamalan, am too good for an abusive movie-going relationship with you. Your movies are disappointing. And your last name is so complex it looks wrong even when I looked it up twenty times.

Jerk.

Creative license run amok...

If the previews for "The Social Network" movie are to believed, Mark Zuckerberg is the reincarnation of James Dean and Chuck Norris combined.

I have no doubt Zuckerberg has learned a bit of media savvy over the years. When you're head of a huge company like "Facebook," I'm sure you have to. But the thought that he was being a rebel from the get-go - and in the middle of disciplinary hearings - is taking it a bit too far. If I were in front of the Harvard disciplinary committee with charges of theft and breaking into their network, I'm at least sweating a bit. Chances are good I'm needing a change of underwear afterward.

I'm certainly not going to be rude and mocking the committee members during the questioning.

Facebook is an Empire - I'm not denying that. But I was there. Its formative years were nothing like what that movie make them out to be. Facebook is not a crime family. Its founder is certainly not the don. He's probably just a big as of a nerd as I am. I bet we'd even hang out.

For my part, I'm on Zuckerberg's side on this...to an extent. I agree with him in the sense that he probably wasn't as big of a jerk as they make him out to be. Then again, I also don't think he was partying like a rock star, getting groupies and having conversations with anyone who looked anything like Justin Timberlake.

Of course, I'm sure a movie about the real story would have been really dull. I'd much rather have seen a movie about the founding of "Myspace." It could have used the tag line: "You don't get to 50 million friends - and 750 million more fake accounts used to post pornographic photos and hit on girls (and guys) you don't know - without making a few enemies."

It's a bit wordy - I'll work on it.

Now Even Avatar-ier?

Next week, the film "Avatar" is being released back into theaters as a Special Edition. At this point, there are two lingering questions on everyone's mind:

1) Will "Avatar: Special Edition" be the next "Avatar?"
2) As James Cameron currently has all money in the world, how will people be paying to go see this?

This particular blog hasn't been around long enough, but my views on Special Editions are well-documented throughout my own history. My commentary has ranged anywhere from "this movie didn't need to be remade" to "this was so bad it ruined the original movie" to non-verbal gagging noises.

Not all Special Editions are rampant grabs for money. Probably. That being said, releasing these do-overs is essentially like mowing someone's lawn badly, having them pay you, mowing it again and then asking to be paid a second time.

In summary, this strategy - at least from a money standpoint - is brilliant.

Oh, and I know I don't normally post on weekends, but this was a special occasion. One, it gives me an excuse to use the phrase "nerding for the weekend." Two, and more importantly, the blog has now reached 2,500 views! Thanks to everyone's eyes - who made all this possible.

Not a Moment to Spare

Today, midway through a bag of Doritos and a marathon session of daytime Food Network, I realized I have no free time.

My lack of free time isn’t in the traditional sense, of course. It would be one thing to have too many obligations to do things. It’s quite another to be tied down by my own laziness. Between video games, cooking, movies, television, writing, drawing and other things that make me happy, I have very little time to get out much.

Case in point: “Inception.” I’ve been meaning to see this movie for at least a month now. My friends tell me it’s good. The critics say it’s good. But short of someone giving me a ride to the movies – most likely a friend and not a critic – I probably won’t make it.

I could claim there were other reasons, but it’s not true. I’m all for lying, certainly. My lies should at least sound plausible, though.

Granted, I’ve been spending a lot of time online lately. And this does eat up sizable portions of my day. Still, I’m not sure I could portray myself as a victim for talking on random forums about the ending of “Cowboy Bebop” or how bad security must be at Princess Peach’s castle for her to be kidnapped in every single Mario game ever.

And I seem like even less of a victim when my only problem is not having time to go to theaters.

In the meanwhile, I’ll just have to find a way to cope. And don’t worry – at least I still have Redbox. Until I find a better solution, I’m sure all your hopes and prayers are with me.

Comic 8: For Just $3 More...

I'm generally a fan of any sort of new and nerdy technology, but I can't really get into 3-D. I want to say it's some sort of deep-rooted philosophical dislike of the decline of modern creativity within the movie industry. But nah. It's just the $3 more for a ticket.

That, and I want some characters to stay on the screen - a lot of actors and actresses shouldn't be any closer to me than they already are...

Preview: "Step Up 3D"

 
The Story
This movie follows the tale of Luke and Natalie as they meet up with someone named Moose. According to various synopses I’ve read, this is the bulk of the preview. It gives no detail on these people, though I’d imagine the first two people are some sort of love interest. Moose, I’m guessing, is either a nickname, or evidence his parents hated him.

Somehow – it doesn’t come up in the synopses – their dance crew comes into competition with the best people from all over the world. It also adds that it will change their lives forever. It’s a pretty standard summary for “Step Up” movies, not to mention any number of frightening German folktales used to keep children out of forests.

I have no real insight into this movie’s plot, as the previews are just thirty seconds of that guy bobbing his head and people spinning.

Why It’s Bad
In no way do I mean to insult dancing itself. For the record, I think dance is an amazing form of personal expression. This is especially true if most of your feelings involve hip hop music and windmills.

The six or seven dance crew movies that have come out, however, have been mostly terrible. If I had to venture a guess – and I do love venturing things – I’d say the problem is probably that these movies don’t try to work in a plot around all the dance moves. While the result is visually dazzling – even more to people with no sense of rhythm – the stories and characters are boring. Most of these movies end up being as fun to viewers as a burn from a cigarette lighter.

This movie’s only attempt to separate itself from the pack is being in 3D. How will this enhance your movie going experience? It won’t – but you will have less money once you leave the ticket counter.

Why It’s Even Worse
People dancing for two hours with no sense of storyline, I can handle. What I can’t figure out is why these movies keep trying to attach weird significance to dancing. This is shown by this paraphrased line from the movie. I will write it, followed by a long shower.

“One move can change the world.”

No significant event in all of history has been solved through dancing, let alone one move. Ideas like this are dangerous, in that they are very, very stupid. Frankly, every time I read that line again, it makes me want to cut myself…then others.

Dancing doesn’t need to be some weird metaphor for the battle between good and evil. Why can’t it just be about the competition? Why does dance have to decide the fate of our immortal souls in these movies?

The Bottom Line
If you’re a fan of dance, you’ll probably be impressed by some of the moves. From the previews alone, I’m pretty sure none of these dancers have any bones. I am both impressed and horrified by some of things I saw them do.

Overall, though, I’m guessing it won’t be worth many people’s time and hard-earned money. Hopefully it will send a message to the moviemakers that we need a little substance in our movies. Like, wouldn’t it be cool if we had some drummers? And they were in a line or something?

The Rating
As this is a preview, I can’t pass final judgment on this movie. But I wouldn’t expect a lot from it. When this lands in theaters, you’ll probably hear it echo with all the empty seats.

Review: "Eclipse"

The Story
In “Eclipse,” we continue the surprisingly normal romance between vampire Edward and living, breathing and apparently delicious Bella.

Their normal high school lives are ruined when Victoria – also vampire and sometimes bitch – decides to raise an army of the undead to kill them. The Cullens must enlist the help of their werewolf enemies to stand a chance. In the end, this is all rendered pointless, as Jasper Cullen is a one-vampire wrecking crew who unleashes sparkly hurt on his enemies.

Along the way, there is a tense love triangle between Edward, Bella and Jacob. As Bella becomes more and more wishy-washy, the men in her life come closer to conflict. It’s only a matter of time before Edward’s eyebrows do battle with Jacob’s continuously-exposed abs.

Can they put aside their fairly superficial differences and save the tiny town of Forks?

Why It’s Good
One word: Jasper.

Wow. Out of the three movies so far, this was the one most clearly trying to appeal to men. Sure, it was still a romance, but it was also really, really violent. This is easily the most violent romance since “The Notebook Versus Predator.”

Granted, your Y-Chromosome might be lonely in the theaters. I understand the fear that seeing this movie will be a blow to your masculinity. I defend that any movie with this much vampire-limb-ripping is hard to classify as a “chick flick.”

If it is, I seriously need to check out “Pride and Prejudice” – I bet Mr. Darcy messes up some people.

Why It’s Not
One word: Bella.

I’d hate to be stuck behind this girl in line at a fast food restaurant, because she can’t make a decision. Everyone had to deal with her indecisiveness through two movies. Enough is enough. Edward has the time to wait – he’s immortal, after all. As for the rest of us, we’re really going to need her decide on one of the guys during this lifetime.

Other minor problems revolved around some of the acting and a few pacing issues. Overall, I left the theater feeling more annoyed by the clapping girls in the back than the movie itself. But as much as I’d like to, I can’t blame the movie for its rabid fans.

Though, I am a bit curious why a series that’s grossed a few trillion dollars by now can’t afford to buy Taylor Lautner a shirt.

The Bottom Line
I think it was a worthwhile watch. But I admit most people have probably already decided on these movies. The ones who like it would probably stick it out, regardless. The people who hate it probably wouldn’t see it if they offered free sex at the door.

As for the overly-obsessive, creepy fans, well, I’m sure I’ll hear you clapping and cheering in the back during “Breaking Dawn.”

The Rating
I give it a sparkly 8/10.