Waste of Time Awards - Best in Show

We've reached the final day of the awards, and that can mean only one thing - I'm out of tiny award statues with clocks on the top and I have to stiff the winner today.

I won't waste a lot of words introducing this one. As it is, the winner has already devoured a good chunk of my time in 2010. Hopefully, in 2011, I might be able to find more time to do actual productive things.

With how awesome "Monster Hunter Tri" is, though, it's not looking good.

Rather than reuse the same red curtain award backdrop I've been using the past three days, I thought I'd mix it up and just make an original comic based on the winner. So this is what you get. If it's not quite as epic as you think it should be, I suggest imagining a hardcore guitar solo playing in the second panel.

And with that, we wrap up a successful year of awards and a great 2010. Congratulations to the winners. (All both of them.)

But in letting go of the old, we also look forward to the new. Among them are two major events happening right on this blog (or linked to it by this blog, at least - we'll see) next week. On Monday, I plan to unveil the first installment of "Ascension: Origins" - "Cold Eyes." You'll also get your very first look at this site's big brother - "The Nerd Empire."

While I can't get into too many details right now, I can assure you that The Nerd Empire will be your one-stop shop for all things nerd. I'll also be expanding my staff to include new writers. And, by the way, if that's something that interests you, get in touch with me.

In any case, I'm literally so excited I could squeal, but that would be embarrassing, so I won't.

Waste of Time Awards - Alternative Media

In a third day of shocking results, someone is going to be walking home with two awards this year.

Seriously, how crazy has this all been? I bet you're all shocked out by now. Like, if you'd have had hiccups when these awards started, they'd be destroyed by now.

And the winner of Biggest Waste of Time in Alternative Media is "Fullmetal Alchemist." Yes, yes. I know what you're thinking. How can it win when it already won in Film and Television. Well, as luck would have it, that anime series is based on an even more excellent monthly manga series.

As much as I'd love to spread the awards around, there was no bigger waste of my time over the past year, urging me to check back for translated mangas over and over again. And even better, the series ended just around issue 100, long before I lost my interest. Yes, while "Bleach" had the enemy turning into a larva, a butterfly, then a guy with longer hair, then a weird-looking guy, Fullmetal Alchemist had the enemy turn from a guy to a monster to a god to dead. Very quickly, might I add.

Edward Elric will be going home clutching an award in both his real and mechanical arm this year.

(Note: That's probably why you shouldn't learn alchemy on an empty stomach.)

As alternative media is literally anything, I won't be ranking the rest of the top five. Instead, I'll just have them in no apparent order. If you need to assume one is better because it appears first, then go ahead, though.

Taco Bell Food - As much as I hate to admit it, I'm captivated by Taco Bell. I'm excited for new items. And I don't just wait - I literally go to their website a few times a week to get sneak peaks. With the addition of the Volcano items (again - this happened five years ago, too), I'd say they had a great year.

Caffeine - They say a candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long. Well, not really. Because with caffeine, I burn three times longer and ten times brighter. Then...I crash and the analogy sort of falls apart. Unless candles start falling down and slurring after six hours, too.

"Penny Arcade" - In the world of nerds, these guys are essentially royalty. What nerd wouldn't like to sit around all day playing video games and writing about them? That wasn't rhetorical - if you know one, I'll need his name and address. They should be studied or something, because that's just weird.

"High School of the Dead" - This manga combines two of my favorite things. Zombies - check. More zombies - check. This is probably the one storyline set in high school that isn't boring. Think of it like "Dawson's Creek," except Dawson has a sawed-off shotgun.

And that concludes the three main categories of the Wasties. Tune in on Saturday for the "Best in Show." Who will win? The video game I show obvious favoritism for, or the series that's already won two awards? Who knows? I do.

If you want to know, you should check in tomorrow.

Waste of Time Awards - Film and Television

To continue our trend of shocking awards, the second day of the Wasties proves that a movie grossing several trillion dollars is no guarantee it will even end up on my top five.

Thanks to a money-grubbing "Special Edition," "Avatar" was in the running as a 2010 contender for Biggest Waste of Time in Film and Television. Thanks to a director more concerned with visual effects than substance, it also allowed it to be utterly terrible. In fact, given its long run-time and embarrassing writing, this year, it receives "honorable" mention as "Worst in Film and Television."

But no need to dwell on the negatives.

As for the actual winner, the best series of 2010 goes to "Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood." This anime - based on the original manga rather than cobbled together like the first series - was utterly amazing. With excellent characters, action and a plot-line that kept you guessing until the very end, it was everything an anime should be. And for non-anime folk, it's at least watchable.

Perhaps most impressive is the fact that it's only sixty-four episodes. This clocks in at about five hundred less than longer-running series like "Bleach," "Naruto" or "Inuyasha." Being able to stay awake through the entire run is a nice bonus.

It did, however, face some stiff competition:

2) "Family Guy: Something Something Something Dark Side" - As a "Star Wars" spoof, this technically qualifies as a nerd program. This was just a step from taking the first place spot. Pretty much one more good Meg joke would have done it.

And yes, "Family Guy: It's a Trap" was pretty good, but like "Return of the Jedi," it just didn't stack up to the second movie.

3) "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse" - Yes, I see some eye rolls at this one. Unfortunately, my hands were tied. As the only movie of the year that featured violent vampire wars, it was pretty much guaranteed an award. If you can point out another movie where an undead Civil War officer decapitates evil vampires alongside a pack of werewolves, please point it out.

4) "How to Train Your Dragon" - This one edged in at the last moment, since I went most of the year without seeing it. I was impressed with the continuing ability of animated films to not be overly-cutesy when they need to. Let's hope that in two or three years, there will be nothing in these movies for kids at all.

5) "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" - Overall, this was a pretty good movie - one I definitely recommend seeing. Bafflingly, Nicolas Cage didn't do the usual "Nicolas Cage' thing and muck up the movie. I would absolutely love seeing a sequel someday soon.

You may notice that the two big guns - "Avatar" and "Inception" - are absent from the list. What can I say? "Inception" was over-hyped to the point that it was essentially unwatchable. "Avatar" was under-written to the point where it was unwatchable. (Believe me - I tried.)

What do you think? I wouldn't be surprised if people second-guessed my choices. Then again, given how quickly people stopped talking about "Avatar," I wouldn't be surprised if people didn't.

Up next on Friday is the "Alternative Media Category."

Waste of Time Awards - Video Games

This award is only a day or so old now and we're already beginning with a shocking result - "World of Warcraft" did not win in the Video Games Category.

So who could have put up better numbers? Well, it was none other than the Wii's "Monster Hunter Tri." With 182 hours - more than a week's worth of continuous play, or 2% of all my time in 2010 - it was the Winner of Biggest Waste of Time in Video Games!

To accept this award will be Reia, the character I play:

This game got some big numbers with an early year release. But that's not all that carried it. It was a mix of fun and frustratingly hard gameplay that forced me to replay encounters again and again until I won.

And it was this same frustration that had me coming back to old encounters with better equipment just to kill the monsters again out of spite. I'll give Capcom credit for making the most infuriating game in exactly the right ways to be a replay goldmine. The difficulty was always exactly enough to keep me interested but never quite enough to remove the game disc and pump two rounds into it execution-style.

And, for those interested, here's how the contender's did.

2. "World of Warcraft" (PC) - A respectable 92 hours. Of course, many will point out that it may have won if "Cataclysm" were released earlier in the year. But winners don't need excuses to win - it's what separates the games that nibble on my free time and those that devour it.

3. "Super Smash Bros. Brawl" (Wii) - An impressive 84 hours - almost enough for the number two slot. Once again, lots of replay options gave both myself and Jess lots of reasons to come back to the ring. Sadly, we stopped once the only trophies left to win involved beating impossible challenges with 600 different characters...

4. "Katamari Damacy" (PS2) - A baffling 61 hours. This quirky game about rolling a sticky ball over objects to making an even larger ball somehow got played for over two full days. This is all the more surprising, given that the game's soundtrack is like the elevator music in Hell.

5. "Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn" (Wii) - Rounding out the top five, this game ate up 42 hours. This fun tactical RPG is probably one of the best (and only) on the Wii. Assuming I have a yen to play the super-bonus second play through with the secret ending, it might get a slot on this list next year.

How do you think this list matches up with your own? Please do tell. I'm guessing those with actual next-generation systems may have had varying mileage.

Stay tuned - up Wednesday is the "Film and Television Category."

1st Annual "Waste of Time" Awards!

As a fun treat for 2011, we've decided to recognize and honor those most nerdy of activities known for eating up every ounce of our free time. Just remember, though. When it comes to being a nerd, there's no such thing as a waste of time - only being dedicated.

There will be three major categories:

1) Video Games - Fairly self-explanatory. These are weighted by total time played. Whichever game was played the most this past year will be the winner.

2) Film and Television - Also fairly self-explanatory. The best and nerdiest movie or television show wins. Of course, those that were watched over and over will get some extra weighting. Basically, if I wore out the DVD, there's a good chance it will win.

3) Other Media - This is essentially anything nerdy that doesn't fall under the other categories. It could include visual media, other types of gaming and whatever else comes up. Sense random things will be competing, I have no objective way of scoring, but the best thing will win. Does that help?

This will be a week-long event, so check back frequently. A category will be decided on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. And Saturday, each of the three winners will compete for Best of Show as "The Biggest Time Waster of 2010."

Honor and glory will, no doubt, ensue for the victor, while shame and humiliation await for "Jame's Cameron's Avatar." Er...the losers...whoever they may be.

So without further ado, welcome to the 2010 "Wasties." (Not quite as catchy as "Oscars," but it'll do.) Grab some popcorn. Get ready to second-guess the outcomes. And most of all, just have fun.

By the way, the Dorktionary is now up and running - so check that out, too.