You Were Probably Happier Not Knowing...

Well, it’s finally happened – the blog has gotten 10,000 hits.

Of course, I’m very excited. In addition to being seen by thousands of people, my blog has been viewed in more than seventy-five different countries all around the world. As some of these countries have only two views, I’m not saying it’s popular, but it’s at least tolerated.

I’d like to claim that this overwhelming tide of support has been due to a universal love of all things nerdy. But I can’t. Apparently, I also owe a lot to a general ignorance on the topic of “birth control,” “hilarious birth control” and “birth control funny” – basically the top search terms leading to this site.

Don't believe me? Here's the analysis of the searches that lead to the site. I'll share them with you. Pay attention to the very top terms...and one near the bottom that's deeply, deeply disturbing.

At the very least, I know why this is such a popular blog on birth control – this entry here and this one here are to blame.

There are probably people who think I should be upset at the topics leading people here. But it’s not a good idea to look a gift horse in the mouth. Regardless of how stupid that saying is.

Perhaps more disturbing than the leading search terms are the ones that appeared only once or twice. "Cowboy bebop snuggie" is a bit out of left field. And I have a vague idea why “i feel like a monster” leads here, given all the “Monster Hunter” comics – that doesn’t make it any less weird, though.

If someone knows that guy, uh, could you give him a hug or something?

Anyway, it's a big milestone. But the rest of the staff and I are even more excited about what’s in store for the coming year. Among these things are more articles, more comics and lots of great recommendations about how to get the most out of your thick-rimmed black glasses.

We’re also very excited to announce a regular fantasy comic that will be introduced. And the comics will be getting a new, polished look, as I’m going to start hand-drawing them, scanning them and editing them on computer. The results, in all probability, will rock your socks off, regardless of fabric choice or length above the ankle.

No doubt, hand-drawing comics will make my life a lot easier and ensure much quicker posting. That’s the good news. The bad news is that hand-drawing on paper is, ironically, the single way I could take a step down from using “MS Paint” to publish comics.

Anyway, thanks for making the site such a big hit – and prepare your eyeballs for more to come.

Spring Forward, Nerd Back

Once again, it’s “nerd season.”

I appreciate Fall on a number of levels. Besides the obvious fact that it’s “cuddle weather” – the one time of the year where my girlfriend doesn’t burst into flames from overheating when I lay all over her – there’s a lot to enjoy. But it’s more for the things you can’t enjoy – namely, the outdoors – that it’s the nerdiest time of the year.

During the Spring and Summer, I feel a certain amount of guilt over spending entire days indoors. It seems like I should be out enjoying the warmth. Alas, my love of anime, video games and fantasy books generally has me avoiding the sunlight like I owe it money.

Starting sometime in October, the guilt is gone. It’s too cold and rainy to be outdoors. Assuming I did a lot of work throughout the rest of the year, it would practically be a holiday to me.

This season, the nerd gods have been especially kind. While there’s not a lot of new anime to enjoy, I have started playing “World of Warcraft” again. It was a bit of a learning curve to get back into, but after a week or two, I’ve gotten used to crawling into bed at 5am with no idea what happened to my entire night.

For the record, though, I wouldn’t recommend this unless the girlfriend you’re crawling into bed with is very accepting of your nerdery.

And if you don’t believe that Fall was designed for nerds, think about it. We get an extra hour of time at 2am. Sure, everyone can enjoy an extra hour, but what sort of people are actually going to be awake at that hour? That’s right. Nerds.

So to everyone else, go enjoy raking leaves and…um…watching leaves change color. (I don’t know what the rest of you actually do during Fall.) As for the nerds, it’s time to hunker down on a warm couch or desk chair and enjoy the vice of your choice:

-Anime: If you’re going to be stuck indoors for the next four to five months, this is the perfect time to watch the first third of the “Bleach” series. And here’s the sad thing. That’s only sort of a joke. That series is, like, four hundred episodes long.

-Video Games: They’re remaking “Goldeneye,” the best shooter of all time. Assuming it doesn’t suck, it will be the greatest thing since…well, the first time that game came out. And assuming it does suck, that’s plenty for you to complain about on assorted video game forums.

-Fantasy Books: Who knows? Christopher Paolini might actually finish his fourth book. If it comes out sometime soon, you can spend the rest of your Fall and Winter hearing him describe one scene.

More Effective Birth Control

There are times that I worry my children will get involved in dangerous activities. Then I remember that, in fact, they will have my DNA. There's already a fair chance they won't have a chance to get involved in anything dangerous.

Or fun, depending on how nerdishly they might lean.

Looking back, getting into anime and video games was probably exactly what I needed as a teenager. I had a lot of energy. It very well could have been used for evil. Well, actually, it was used for evil. But think of the most evil thing you could do while sitting on a futon and playing your eighth straight hour of "Star Fox 64." It's not exactly super-villainy at its best.

Of course, this all assumes I have children. Either way, that's a ways off. I haven't even begun to consider things like names, religion, or how exactly I plan to grow that sweet mustache in the comic.

My current mustache took twenty-six years to grow, and it's patchy - and that's being awfully generous, too.

In other news, thanks to everyone who took the time to vote! By a fairly overwhelming margin, the consensus is that people want to see lots of comics and comic/articles. As this is what I was hoping to do anyway, things really worked out there. Phew.

I apologize to the one person who voted for "invasive advertising" - if they really want it, maybe you can click on an ad and tell it open in a new window so it feels like a pop-up.

Review: "Eclipse"

The Story
In “Eclipse,” we continue the surprisingly normal romance between vampire Edward and living, breathing and apparently delicious Bella.

Their normal high school lives are ruined when Victoria – also vampire and sometimes bitch – decides to raise an army of the undead to kill them. The Cullens must enlist the help of their werewolf enemies to stand a chance. In the end, this is all rendered pointless, as Jasper Cullen is a one-vampire wrecking crew who unleashes sparkly hurt on his enemies.

Along the way, there is a tense love triangle between Edward, Bella and Jacob. As Bella becomes more and more wishy-washy, the men in her life come closer to conflict. It’s only a matter of time before Edward’s eyebrows do battle with Jacob’s continuously-exposed abs.

Can they put aside their fairly superficial differences and save the tiny town of Forks?

Why It’s Good
One word: Jasper.

Wow. Out of the three movies so far, this was the one most clearly trying to appeal to men. Sure, it was still a romance, but it was also really, really violent. This is easily the most violent romance since “The Notebook Versus Predator.”

Granted, your Y-Chromosome might be lonely in the theaters. I understand the fear that seeing this movie will be a blow to your masculinity. I defend that any movie with this much vampire-limb-ripping is hard to classify as a “chick flick.”

If it is, I seriously need to check out “Pride and Prejudice” – I bet Mr. Darcy messes up some people.

Why It’s Not
One word: Bella.

I’d hate to be stuck behind this girl in line at a fast food restaurant, because she can’t make a decision. Everyone had to deal with her indecisiveness through two movies. Enough is enough. Edward has the time to wait – he’s immortal, after all. As for the rest of us, we’re really going to need her decide on one of the guys during this lifetime.

Other minor problems revolved around some of the acting and a few pacing issues. Overall, I left the theater feeling more annoyed by the clapping girls in the back than the movie itself. But as much as I’d like to, I can’t blame the movie for its rabid fans.

Though, I am a bit curious why a series that’s grossed a few trillion dollars by now can’t afford to buy Taylor Lautner a shirt.

The Bottom Line
I think it was a worthwhile watch. But I admit most people have probably already decided on these movies. The ones who like it would probably stick it out, regardless. The people who hate it probably wouldn’t see it if they offered free sex at the door.

As for the overly-obsessive, creepy fans, well, I’m sure I’ll hear you clapping and cheering in the back during “Breaking Dawn.”

The Rating
I give it a sparkly 8/10.