Waste of Time Awards - Alternative Media

In a third day of shocking results, someone is going to be walking home with two awards this year.

Seriously, how crazy has this all been? I bet you're all shocked out by now. Like, if you'd have had hiccups when these awards started, they'd be destroyed by now.

And the winner of Biggest Waste of Time in Alternative Media is "Fullmetal Alchemist." Yes, yes. I know what you're thinking. How can it win when it already won in Film and Television. Well, as luck would have it, that anime series is based on an even more excellent monthly manga series.

As much as I'd love to spread the awards around, there was no bigger waste of my time over the past year, urging me to check back for translated mangas over and over again. And even better, the series ended just around issue 100, long before I lost my interest. Yes, while "Bleach" had the enemy turning into a larva, a butterfly, then a guy with longer hair, then a weird-looking guy, Fullmetal Alchemist had the enemy turn from a guy to a monster to a god to dead. Very quickly, might I add.

Edward Elric will be going home clutching an award in both his real and mechanical arm this year.

(Note: That's probably why you shouldn't learn alchemy on an empty stomach.)

As alternative media is literally anything, I won't be ranking the rest of the top five. Instead, I'll just have them in no apparent order. If you need to assume one is better because it appears first, then go ahead, though.

Taco Bell Food - As much as I hate to admit it, I'm captivated by Taco Bell. I'm excited for new items. And I don't just wait - I literally go to their website a few times a week to get sneak peaks. With the addition of the Volcano items (again - this happened five years ago, too), I'd say they had a great year.

Caffeine - They say a candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long. Well, not really. Because with caffeine, I burn three times longer and ten times brighter. Then...I crash and the analogy sort of falls apart. Unless candles start falling down and slurring after six hours, too.

"Penny Arcade" - In the world of nerds, these guys are essentially royalty. What nerd wouldn't like to sit around all day playing video games and writing about them? That wasn't rhetorical - if you know one, I'll need his name and address. They should be studied or something, because that's just weird.

"High School of the Dead" - This manga combines two of my favorite things. Zombies - check. More zombies - check. This is probably the one storyline set in high school that isn't boring. Think of it like "Dawson's Creek," except Dawson has a sawed-off shotgun.

And that concludes the three main categories of the Wasties. Tune in on Saturday for the "Best in Show." Who will win? The video game I show obvious favoritism for, or the series that's already won two awards? Who knows? I do.

If you want to know, you should check in tomorrow.

Waste of Time Awards - Film and Television

To continue our trend of shocking awards, the second day of the Wasties proves that a movie grossing several trillion dollars is no guarantee it will even end up on my top five.

Thanks to a money-grubbing "Special Edition," "Avatar" was in the running as a 2010 contender for Biggest Waste of Time in Film and Television. Thanks to a director more concerned with visual effects than substance, it also allowed it to be utterly terrible. In fact, given its long run-time and embarrassing writing, this year, it receives "honorable" mention as "Worst in Film and Television."

But no need to dwell on the negatives.

As for the actual winner, the best series of 2010 goes to "Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood." This anime - based on the original manga rather than cobbled together like the first series - was utterly amazing. With excellent characters, action and a plot-line that kept you guessing until the very end, it was everything an anime should be. And for non-anime folk, it's at least watchable.

Perhaps most impressive is the fact that it's only sixty-four episodes. This clocks in at about five hundred less than longer-running series like "Bleach," "Naruto" or "Inuyasha." Being able to stay awake through the entire run is a nice bonus.

It did, however, face some stiff competition:

2) "Family Guy: Something Something Something Dark Side" - As a "Star Wars" spoof, this technically qualifies as a nerd program. This was just a step from taking the first place spot. Pretty much one more good Meg joke would have done it.

And yes, "Family Guy: It's a Trap" was pretty good, but like "Return of the Jedi," it just didn't stack up to the second movie.

3) "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse" - Yes, I see some eye rolls at this one. Unfortunately, my hands were tied. As the only movie of the year that featured violent vampire wars, it was pretty much guaranteed an award. If you can point out another movie where an undead Civil War officer decapitates evil vampires alongside a pack of werewolves, please point it out.

4) "How to Train Your Dragon" - This one edged in at the last moment, since I went most of the year without seeing it. I was impressed with the continuing ability of animated films to not be overly-cutesy when they need to. Let's hope that in two or three years, there will be nothing in these movies for kids at all.

5) "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" - Overall, this was a pretty good movie - one I definitely recommend seeing. Bafflingly, Nicolas Cage didn't do the usual "Nicolas Cage' thing and muck up the movie. I would absolutely love seeing a sequel someday soon.

You may notice that the two big guns - "Avatar" and "Inception" - are absent from the list. What can I say? "Inception" was over-hyped to the point that it was essentially unwatchable. "Avatar" was under-written to the point where it was unwatchable. (Believe me - I tried.)

What do you think? I wouldn't be surprised if people second-guessed my choices. Then again, given how quickly people stopped talking about "Avatar," I wouldn't be surprised if people didn't.

Up next on Friday is the "Alternative Media Category."