A Rare Adventure

I've never claimed to be the heroic type.

Of course, there are a lot of times I have to be. Though I’m somewhat of a wuss, Jess is a girl. And while that doesn’t make her any less brave, it does leave a lot of tasks like bug and animal killing to me, by virtue of the fact that these things give her the heeby-jeebies.

In the absence of an actual man in our household, these duties generally fall to me. I suppose I have the option of calling her parents to deal with small biting monsters, but I don’t think I’d come out of that looking very good. My general nerdiness is probably about as much as I can ask them to accept of the person dating their daughter these past few years. They’ve already been pretty good sports about my shortcomings, I think.

Spiders and other bugs aren’t too much trouble. This weekend, I had to take on a brown snake. While that may not sound like much, I assure you that it was the biggest brown snake ever seen by human eyes. I can only assume it lumbered – not slithered – out of the Amazon rainforest, where it’s been living for centuries consuming jaguars and other fearsome predators.

I don’t want to exaggerate, but it may have pulled out a lightsaber near the end of the fight.

Luckily, I was victorious. Though, the win was later tarnished when I suffered a severe oil burn trying to fry a piece of salmon. In that sense, though I won against a living snake, I lost badly to a deceased fish. This is only slightly better than the idea that I was also technically wounded by very warm bread crumbs.

Then again, I also made the fried fish into a sandwich. I don’t know a lot about winning fights. But I think I’d rather be a loser than a winner who was later eaten.

And, to be fair, that fish was seriously huge – like a prehistoric monster or something.