Video Game Lessons: Theft

We learn quite a few lessons from playing video games - almost all of them horrible.

Among these lessons is the surprisingly vague concept of "ownership." In the real world, people own things in their homes. In video games, homes are just storage places to keep the hero's loot.

In a lot of cases, it's "no harm - no foul." There's nothing wrong with picking a loose herb or two off the ground. After all, no one was using it anyway. But the line gets iffy when you start looting graves. And the lesson gets worse when you realize all the coolest equipment is from the oldest and most sacred graves.

Things only get worse in towns. Sure, the hero will occasionally buy something and support the local economy. For the most part, though, it's just a matter of wandering through people's unlocked homes (which is already trespassing) to find stuff you want. In life or death situations, you might argue the end justifies the means, but still.

Link was a particularly bad offender. Not only did he steal stuff, but a lot of it was right in sight of the homeowners. And, in the worst cases, he'll steal their stuff, hold it above his head so everyone can see it and then have musical fanfare playing. That's theft with a touchdown dance at the end.

I'm not really sure what to make of "Resident Evil" games. I mean, it's a zombie disaster and whoever is still living deserves the guns and stuff. Then again, how carefully do you really check to see if there are still survivors? If it were me, I'd just be finding stuff I wanted in houses and taking it. Because I seriously think your high-end DVD player is a key for a puzzle. Somewhere. Probably.

Then again, if there's a zombie disaster, I'm probably locking myself in the bathroom and pointing a shotgun at the door for a week - I might be a bit too timid for looting.

What do you think - is video game "looting" right or wrong?

Splitting Hairs

I've been seeing a lot of commercials lately for new razors. I don't know the specifics. But apparently, my old razor (which was made by the same company, mind you) causes irritating "tug and pull." This is odd, because a year ago, my old razor was the pinnacle of human advancement.

I realize technology improves over time. I also realize that things often aren't as bad as companies make them out to be. If I believed what the commercials were saying, I've spent the past three years dragging a damp cat across my face.

Which is a vast improvement over five years ago, when "Gillette" says I was shaving with a handful of jagged glass and sharp rocks.

But there's just as much problem with the new models. How much better can shaving really get? Those blades are already half the thickness of a strand of DNA. Any thinner, and my stubble will be cutting through it instead of the other way around.

I'm not sold. And I'd advise you to not believe the hype either. No matter what the commercials claim, I highly doubt their new razor is like splashing a handful of rainbows on my face and hugging a unicorn.

Nor would I want it to be - weren't men supposed to be...manly?

Monster Hunter: Flexing History

It's probably no secret I love Monster Hunter Tri - it's not perfect, though.

If I had to point out one problem with the game, it would probably be the lack of urgency your hunter seems to display. Being attacked by a gigantic monster elicits a certain response. Be it swinging a sword, healing or screaming like a little girl, I'd be doing them all at a frantic pace. Trust me.

Your hunter, however, prefers to lazily do everything. They casually sip on a healing Potion as though they were at a wine tasting. And to make matters worse - and I'm not joking about this - they then flex for a solid three seconds in place.

I have no idea why this is in the game, aside from artificially creating difficulty. But if you're like almost every person I've spoken to about it who plays, you probably find it terribly annoying. Of course, there are armor skills that allow you to consume Potions more quickly and without the irritating pause at the end to allow a monster to clobber you. Then again, why should the common sense not to leave myself wide open to attack every time I heal be a skill in-game?

That's why I used the Potion in the first place. I wanted more health. Not less.

Monster Hunter: Difficulty Changes

Video game difficulty can be tricky. If you make it too easy, people will be breezing through it in under two hours and be bored. If you make it too hard, it will be that "Indiana Jones" game for the Atari that was pretty much unbeatable without the reflexes of a demigod.

"Monster Hunter Tri" has the balance fairly well, though it's not always consistent. The first few things you fight, for example, are a joke. By the end, though, you'll be frantically trying to avoid two-hit kills from super-powered monsters that are so large and powerful they affect local weather.

In short, we need some tweaks. Hard.

Great Jaggi and Gobul need to be harder. And Melynxes need to start randomly stealing my items. I'm sick of them targeting the best thing in my inventory to swipe every single time. I realize there's not much incentive for them to steal my least cool things, but still - they could meet me halfway on this. Despite them focusing on me during every battle, I've yet to actually attack one. Why do they hate me so?

And yes, I picked on the Great Jaggi again - that guy is ripe for comedy.

Things I Miss: World of Warcraft

My third year of college was - for all intents and purposes - one long game of "World of Warcraft." Somewhere between finding treasure and slaying things, I found time to pass my courses. At least, that's what my transcripts later said. I have no actual recollection of the classes that led to this fact.

That was my video game hayday. Since then, I really haven't found the time to be that obsessed about any game. "World of Warcraft" in particular, I haven't played in a long time. I'm convinced there's no way to play it except obsessively. Being in a relationship - not to mention needing to occasionally eat, sleep and shower - doesn't leave me time for such obsessions.

But there are definitely times I miss it. And why not? Everything in that game is so immediately rewarding. Killing something gives me gold. Finishing a quest gives me experience and items.

Real life is rarely so rewarding. Sure, I kill a lot of bugs and such, but the drops are lousy. And then I have to clean them up.

Even that snake didn't give me anything good.

With the next expansion pack looming, I'm tempted to get back into it. Though I would also be single within a few months, so maybe not. Of course, if I can convince Jess to play, all bets are off.

Monster Hunter: Deeper Cleaning

Like many of the monsters in Monster Hunter Tri, the Royal Ludroth has a real-world counterpart. The Gobul is a big devil frog. Kelbi are just deer, pretty much.

For whatever reason, the Royal Ludroth is a large cleaning sponge.

Granted, it's far more ornery than most sponges I've used. And I couldn't begin to guess which side is the abrasive one. After all, it's all pretty abrasive. And I don't just mean he has a very bad attitude. Some sides literally have claws, teeth or little spines jutting out.

I'm not sure how well it would clean. I mean, after all, it would probably destroy your bathroom if it went rampaging around. So...pretty much don't use it on frosted glass in showers and all that.

Happy hunting!

Conversation Collecting...

I just got back from the big Labor Day celebration. It was very fun. And very filling. At the best points, it was both.

Family get-togethers are always interesting for me. Because even though the years change, a lot of the questions stay the same from year to year. It's not anyone's fault - we just don't see each other enough to keep up-to-date on these sorts of things. So I tend to field these same five questions every year:

1. What are you doing for work lately?
This one, I probably dread the most. As I currently have nothing I would consider work in the technical sense (i.e. no one gives me money), it's never fun to answer. I think I rambled something about writing and then excused myself politely.

2. So...when are you and Jess going to get married?
Okay. I take it back. I dread this one the most. Luckily, no one asked about it this year. Which is good, because even when I know, I have to let Jess know first...

3. What do you think of this baseball season?
I'm not totally hopeless when it comes to sports. I could actually ramble on about football for some time. But for whatever reason, people are always asking me about the one sport I have no interest in. This year, I managed to slide away from that conversation before they really got into it. Thus, no one had to know how little I know about baseball. Are there still four bases? Cool.

4. How's college?
It's still there. I think. Beyond that, I have no idea - I graduated more than three years ago.

5. Give various reasons why "Cowboy Bebop" was an excellent anime.
So this really isn't a question. Also, it's never come up. But I wish it would. I have lots to say on the issue, if only someone would give me the chance. Then, of course, they'd regret it deeply...

Well, those were my Labor Day experiences. Hopefully everyone had fun in all the countries that celebrate that sort of thing. By my count, I think there's just the one, but who knows?

How were your big weekends?

The Wii Cycle

Some years ago, the Wii was announced. Immediately, it was seen as a way to get active, fight childhood obesity and secretly transform a generation of sedentary gamers into fitness machines. Today, I keep trying to find shortcuts to moving my entire arm to play.

Don’t get me wrong. What the Wii tried to do was as well-intentioned as it was revolutionary. It also ignored the fact that if video gamers were looking for a physical challenge, they probably wouldn’t be playing video games in the first place.

My first day with Wii Sports was crazy. I was running and jumping around. I was swinging my arms and diving into furniture. Of course, bowling doesn’t require any of these actions, but I was excited.

I bowled a 6, for the record.

Two years later, I get aggravated any time a game sneaks in motion controls. I bought the Wii for the novelty of movement. But I bought my couch for the novelty of remaining motionless except for my thumb and forefingers. And – to be fair – the couch was here first.

Now, I may be a bit lazier than most. But I doubt my story is totally unique. Is anyone else sick of the Wii trying to improve them as a person, or is it just me?

Though, the one upside is when my Wii warns me to use the wrist strap to keep from throwing my controller accidentally – that’s always good for a chuckle.

Good News!

For the sake of the sheer awesomeness of it, I wanted to note a recent event of note for the blog. My Monster Hunter Tri comics were recently featured on the Capcom site. As this is a legitimate company that makes video games and I was recognized by them, I was understandably very excited. When I saw it, I squealed like a little girl.

Luckily, Jess caught my squealing - the shame of it allowed my head from getting too big.

Not much more to say about it than that. Of course, I will say thank you for all the support I've been receiving. In addition to the entire Monster Hunter community, I'd like to thank all the other nerds who have made all this worth writing. As I'm so fond of saying, without all you, it's pretty much just me talking to myself about video games and movies.

Oh, and the link to the article is here:
http://www.capcom-unity.com/snow_infernus/blog/2010/08/31/monster_hunter_fan_comics_to_start_your_tuesday

Monster Hunter: Wyvern Eggs

Personally, I can't imagine a worse situation than living next to a store in a video game. Have they ever stocked anything useful? I mean, sure, they tend to have firearms, swords, medicine and other things like that. But what if I'm jonesing for some Doritos at 3am?

Or, as is often the case, what if I'm jonesing for them at all hours of the day?

Granted, they tend to focus on the necessities, but the Moga Village Farm is pretty ridiculous. I can grow honey and mushrooms there. I can even grow assorted bugs. But if you want milk or eggs, you're out of luck. It's not one of those fancy farms with cows, chickens or livestock of any kind. (I'm not counting the pet pig - he's too adorable to eat.) If not for the fishermen in the village, I'm sure everyone in Moga would starve to death.

Then again, maybe I expect too much realism from a digital farm worked by talking, bipedal cats?

And yes, I know there's not really a "Panera" in Loc Lac. But there should be. By virtue that there should be a "Panera" everywhere - that Broccoli Cheese Soup is hauntingly good.